Well, I've been a busy bee.
I'm going to give this one more try and attempt to be more consistant. I thought this story was a good way to get back into the groove of things...
Enjoy!
http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/my_night_with_prosti_dude_LxwFH9NnMM0Mdo1KfHRdpK
It's kind of one of the most awkward things I've ever read.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Aniversary of my first YouTube video
Cinco De Mayo is upon us folks. As I though about this holiday today, I remembered how last year, the day after, Seis de Mayo, my friend and I were quite hung over and we drug my sister out to Pike Place to video us doing nothing. It's nice to see how much I have grown in a year. Enjoy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6pxUEm3dIc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6pxUEm3dIc
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Do Drunk People Tell the Truth?
I have received 3 drunk dials already tonight and it is only 9:47. All have had different objectives, points, half points, or questions to impose. Obviously, as spring slowly fades toward summer, Thirsty Thursdays are back in full swing. Here's what I want to know: Are the things people say when they are intoxicated true?
I figure, there has to be some shreds of truth covered in embellishments or hidden by topic changes. It's kinda weird to be on this side of the conversation for once... ;)
Anyone can ask my friends when I chose to tell her my deepest, darkest secrets. It's almost always when I have been drinking. At the same time, they don't come out in complete truth because I have this little buddy, vodka, who takes away my filter.
All this being said, This isn't really a post as much of a question I am throwing out there to the universe. How truthful are drunk people?! (Oh, feel free to pass this question along so I can get more subscriber because I am kinda lacking in that department.)
Send some thoughts my way on this.
I figure, there has to be some shreds of truth covered in embellishments or hidden by topic changes. It's kinda weird to be on this side of the conversation for once... ;)
Anyone can ask my friends when I chose to tell her my deepest, darkest secrets. It's almost always when I have been drinking. At the same time, they don't come out in complete truth because I have this little buddy, vodka, who takes away my filter.
All this being said, This isn't really a post as much of a question I am throwing out there to the universe. How truthful are drunk people?! (Oh, feel free to pass this question along so I can get more subscriber because I am kinda lacking in that department.)
Send some thoughts my way on this.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A Short Story entitled: In My Wildest Dreams
In my wildest dreams I would have fingers that would bend in both directions.
I would be able to sing SO loud that it would crack eggs before baby birds were able to fully develop.
When I walked down the street all the homeless people would stop and kneel.
At lunch, I would eat potato salad and it would make me skinnier.
During the Olympics, I would win every event except for those in men's swimming...damn that pothead Phelps.
I would ask myself:"What would Jesus do?" and my answer would always be "Ah, yes, turn water into wine of course."
In my wildest dreams, I would own a bed and breakfast in hell with Dwight Shroot and the Devil.(Dedicated to Kate Face)
On Thursdays, I would take a special pill that would make me super big like when Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, ate that piece of mushroom. I would then walk around Seattle, pick up all the bad guys and throw them into the sea.
My nails would NEVER chip.
Elves, fairies, pirates, lost boys, talking animals, Stewie, Barbie, ligers and smurfs would be real.
I would hijack Santa's Sleigh and give all the presents to the bad kids and then once they bad kids started to like those presents, I would take them away and give them to the good kids. That was Santa would look like an idiot and I would look like a hero.
I would have the world record holding my breath.
In your wildest dreams, what would happen?
I would be able to sing SO loud that it would crack eggs before baby birds were able to fully develop.
When I walked down the street all the homeless people would stop and kneel.
At lunch, I would eat potato salad and it would make me skinnier.
During the Olympics, I would win every event except for those in men's swimming...damn that pothead Phelps.
I would ask myself:"What would Jesus do?" and my answer would always be "Ah, yes, turn water into wine of course."
In my wildest dreams, I would own a bed and breakfast in hell with Dwight Shroot and the Devil.(Dedicated to Kate Face)
On Thursdays, I would take a special pill that would make me super big like when Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, ate that piece of mushroom. I would then walk around Seattle, pick up all the bad guys and throw them into the sea.
My nails would NEVER chip.
Elves, fairies, pirates, lost boys, talking animals, Stewie, Barbie, ligers and smurfs would be real.
I would hijack Santa's Sleigh and give all the presents to the bad kids and then once they bad kids started to like those presents, I would take them away and give them to the good kids. That was Santa would look like an idiot and I would look like a hero.
I would have the world record holding my breath.
In your wildest dreams, what would happen?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Things I Don't Like
Award Shows, rapers, chicken fat, costco on Sunday's, getting dirt under my nails, clowns, scary movies, masks, birds, tirimisu, beer, sharp rocks, stubbing my toe, Jose Conseco, living in Arizona, goose berries when they aren't in pies, splinters, eye drops, judgers, losing, burnt plastic, airplane seats, being robbed at gun point, hanging upside down too long, poliester, deaf choirs, poisen, cork boards, ridgedness, knowing a face and not a name, the game "Trouble", the word "moist", chipping a tooth, most drug dealers, cold poles, techno music, crying, illness, hitting my funny bone, high c sharp, dieting, gardening, bee's, penicillan, nuts, fuzzy radio station, cold hands, winers, tempered glass, chewing foil, the letter Q, staples, edge vacuuming, repeating myself, elbow skin.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Things I Like
Puppies, kids, eggs, Barbies, fart jokes, soccer, country music, yelling, sneezing, talking, making funny faces, hedge clippers, Hidden Valley Ranch, vacation, wine, super heroes, forks, grass, shade, licking envelopes, smelling, competition, make up, sweats, football, my bed, naming things, Rachel Keller, magazine subscriptions, socks, the butt warmer in my car, post its, talent contests, bossing, Skip-it, holidays, water, baby pigs, "How's Your News", stretching, telegrams, high fives, home made gifts, candles, "Fraggle Rock", Ninja Turtles, gas stations, camping, trees, Diet Coke, thumb tacks, the snack mom, my parents, checks, debates, cooties, safety, cameras, electricity, the term "Chris Browning", white boards, manicures, cow pie baseball, quads (not the muscle), quads(the muscle), star charts, bubble wrap, super mario brothers 3, mullets, not having a stuffy nose, new crayons, meat cake, paper shredders, 5 dollar foot long commercials, smiling, the snuggles bear, lamp, fortune cookies, air hockey, xray vision, the lyric "...you were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it...", rolling change, running as fast as possible, cuss words, hugs, fire, juice harp, buried treasure, duck duck goose, flaring my nostrils, gossip, The Keg, drinks with umbrella's ella's ella's, awkward pauses, To Catch a Predator, the Sims, picking on Kati, kissing cute chubby baby cheeks, bad pick up lines, pranks, sitting on the roof, drive in movies, white out.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Jessi's Cast System of Art
People as far back as written history goes have argued over what "Good" art is. Always we come to the same conclusion that the quality of an actual piece is in the eye of the beholder. Here's the thing though, that's a load of steaming crap. I took an art appreciation class in college and never once talked about what we appreciated. It should have been called "Name the Artist, Date and Era." Needless to say, I didn't learn a thing about what actual "Good" art is.
After exploring countless museums, speaking with many fellow museum goers and mentally trying to decode the secrets of "Good" art, I came to this conclusion...
Much like the medieval cast systems, art to this day is "Good" according to what I call the level of snootiness. Now, to be very clear, snootiness is not always a bad thing. Everybody has some. For example, a transient may say "Hey Jess, want to share some of this leftover broccoli beef from the dumpster I found on 2nd and Wall?" My answer would obviously be no which means I'm snooty enough to refuse a repulsive offer such as that. That being said, here are the levels of what I call "Jessi's Cast System of Art."
Level 1- Homeless Art
Have you ever seen a crazy person gluing bottle caps to his left elbow? I have. At the time, I though he was just a psychotic man attempting to build himself a suit of armor. Now I realize that he was, in fact, the artist of his level. In the homeless community he is seen as an innovative artist. He is looked upon as dedicated and sophisticated. Can you imagine how long it would take to collect and keep that many bottle caps?
Level 2- Kid Art
If you are anything like me, you remember spending a lot of time at the craft table in school. Every piece of paper that had Popsicle sticks taped to it and plastered with rainbow stickers was a Picasso original in my eyes. The other kids at school and in the neighborhood agreed. The thing is as soon as you bring it home, you get the look from your parents. The look that I know now as "They sent home more shiz?! How the eff am I going to sneak this one into the trash?"
Level 3-Realistic Art
This pretty much explains itself. It's pictures of things like barns, cats, spoons, old people, a golf club ect. This is art that anyone can look at and be like "Yup, that's a damn barn alright." (That's a direct quote from my grandpa when my grandma brought home an oil painting of, well, a barn.)
Level 4- Contemporary Art
This is the group that spends some serious dolla dolla bills y'all. It's anything you see in art exhibits, show rooms and living rooms. It's what the kids at the Seattle Art Institute strive for, but want to rage against at the same time. These are the artists that want to be "different" but mainstream enough to make a living from it. My favorite piece I've seen is a picture of a straight up green triangle on a blank canvas that sold for over $3000. I could do that!
Level 5- Not Appreciated in Their Time
We all know of these. The artists that kill themselves because they are so poor that death is a better option than living. The people who end up having art work in glass that is airtight, fire proof, water proof, Al Qaeda proof. Out of curiosity I looked up the most expensive pieces of art in the world and came up with sight: http://www.karemar.com/blog/top-ten-10-most-expensive-paintings-all-time-w-pics
Which level are you in?
After exploring countless museums, speaking with many fellow museum goers and mentally trying to decode the secrets of "Good" art, I came to this conclusion...
Much like the medieval cast systems, art to this day is "Good" according to what I call the level of snootiness. Now, to be very clear, snootiness is not always a bad thing. Everybody has some. For example, a transient may say "Hey Jess, want to share some of this leftover broccoli beef from the dumpster I found on 2nd and Wall?" My answer would obviously be no which means I'm snooty enough to refuse a repulsive offer such as that. That being said, here are the levels of what I call "Jessi's Cast System of Art."
Level 1- Homeless Art
Have you ever seen a crazy person gluing bottle caps to his left elbow? I have. At the time, I though he was just a psychotic man attempting to build himself a suit of armor. Now I realize that he was, in fact, the artist of his level. In the homeless community he is seen as an innovative artist. He is looked upon as dedicated and sophisticated. Can you imagine how long it would take to collect and keep that many bottle caps?
Level 2- Kid Art
If you are anything like me, you remember spending a lot of time at the craft table in school. Every piece of paper that had Popsicle sticks taped to it and plastered with rainbow stickers was a Picasso original in my eyes. The other kids at school and in the neighborhood agreed. The thing is as soon as you bring it home, you get the look from your parents. The look that I know now as "They sent home more shiz?! How the eff am I going to sneak this one into the trash?"
Level 3-Realistic Art
This pretty much explains itself. It's pictures of things like barns, cats, spoons, old people, a golf club ect. This is art that anyone can look at and be like "Yup, that's a damn barn alright." (That's a direct quote from my grandpa when my grandma brought home an oil painting of, well, a barn.)
Level 4- Contemporary Art
This is the group that spends some serious dolla dolla bills y'all. It's anything you see in art exhibits, show rooms and living rooms. It's what the kids at the Seattle Art Institute strive for, but want to rage against at the same time. These are the artists that want to be "different" but mainstream enough to make a living from it. My favorite piece I've seen is a picture of a straight up green triangle on a blank canvas that sold for over $3000. I could do that!
Level 5- Not Appreciated in Their Time
We all know of these. The artists that kill themselves because they are so poor that death is a better option than living. The people who end up having art work in glass that is airtight, fire proof, water proof, Al Qaeda proof. Out of curiosity I looked up the most expensive pieces of art in the world and came up with sight: http://www.karemar.com/blog/top-ten-10-most-expensive-paintings-all-time-w-pics
Which level are you in?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
