A Short Story entitled: In My Wildest Dreams

In my wildest dreams I would have fingers that would bend in both directions.

I would be able to sing SO loud that it would crack eggs before baby birds were able to fully develop.

When I walked down the street all the homeless people would stop and kneel.

At lunch, I would eat potato salad and it would make me skinnier.

During the Olympics, I would win every event except for those in men's swimming...damn that pothead Phelps.

I would ask myself:"What would Jesus do?" and my answer would always be "Ah, yes, turn water into wine of course."

In my wildest dreams, I would own a bed and breakfast in hell with Dwight Shroot and the Devil.(Dedicated to Kate Face)

On Thursdays, I would take a special pill that would make me super big like when Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, ate that piece of mushroom. I would then walk around Seattle, pick up all the bad guys and throw them into the sea.

My nails would NEVER chip.

Elves, fairies, pirates, lost boys, talking animals, Stewie, Barbie, ligers and smurfs would be real.

I would hijack Santa's Sleigh and give all the presents to the bad kids and then once they bad kids started to like those presents, I would take them away and give them to the good kids. That was Santa would look like an idiot and I would look like a hero.

I would have the world record holding my breath.

In your wildest dreams, what would happen?